I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
