I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
