How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
