I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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