his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
