Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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