i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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