im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
