OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
