I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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