I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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