I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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