my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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