i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
