What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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