You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
