is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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