just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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