I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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