When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
