I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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