I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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