I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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