and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
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