There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She needs sedatives and a leash
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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