I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
