Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
