please come you make the beer taste better
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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