nut hugger
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
