Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
