I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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