yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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