Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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