I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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