ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
