She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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