ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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