you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My penis needs a shock collar
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
