All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
