Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
