i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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