i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
