I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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