So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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