Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
