Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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