sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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