At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
