I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Randomize
