I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
