I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
