I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I don't deserve a penis
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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