I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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