i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
