I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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