Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
