the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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