Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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