Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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