Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
