I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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