Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
