Just fell off a train. Bad.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
This is classic penis vs brain.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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