im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
there is glitter all over my balls
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