Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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