That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
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