Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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