Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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