last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
