i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
