just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
