U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
