Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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